FUCKING SCHWEFFES

An affectionate look at that rare breed, the lesser spotted schweffe.
‘Why am I wearing a bodywarmer? I’m fucking hot as it is.’

‘Why am I wearing a bodywarmer? I’m fucking hot as it is.’


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Hugo’s decision to forsake clothing and waxing would come back to haunt him.

Hugo’s decision to forsake clothing and waxing would come back to haunt him.


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‘We are the Moet & Chandon massive. And we like our bottles fucking massive too.’ 

‘We are the Moet & Chandon massive. And we like our bottles fucking massive too.’ 


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‘A few more bottles of poo, and I’ll be fucking all the girls in the background.’

‘A few more bottles of poo, and I’ll be fucking all the girls in the background.’


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‘Diamonds aren’t forever, they’re on my fucking collar.’

‘Diamonds aren’t forever, they’re on my fucking collar.’


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Yes, we were imagining tailgate parties to be a little more redneck than this too.

Yes, we were imagining tailgate parties to be a little more redneck than this too.


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‘And this is the look I give when they mention they went to an ex polytechnic.’

‘And this is the look I give when they mention they went to an ex polytechnic.’


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‘I don’t bottle it when I’m out on the fucking lash, but when I do, I fucking double bottle it.’

‘I don’t bottle it when I’m out on the fucking lash, but when I do, I fucking double bottle it.’


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‘Drink from the cup of plenty chaps…. plenty more where that fucking came from that is.’

‘Drink from the cup of plenty chaps…. plenty more where that fucking came from that is.’


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A Full Monty pic, full of people called Monty incidentally.

A Full Monty pic, full of people called Monty incidentally.


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